What happens in 25 years of Priesthood?

I just celebrated the 25th anniversary of my priesthood ordination. I’m not the type to go for big celebrations and parties. We just celebrated a simple mass with the bishop that ordained us. But 25 years is quite a long time. Half my age, to be honest. Everything keeps telling me that I am getting old and that so many things have changed in these last 25 years. It’s one of the advantages of old age, you can look back at life and see the long way you have journeyed.

25 years ago a lot of things were different. I live on the small island of Malta and I could see life changing here. 25 years ago you would not have much courage to say many things like talking against God in this all-Catholic country or against the government openly (unless with friends from the same party). You would try to be friend to all to feel accepted. It was a must that you belonged to one group or another. You didn’t want to find yourself alone. So you would try to be what others wanted you to be rather than who you really were.

25 years ago I was still coming out of the basic formation in my religious congregation. People who know me now never believe that at that time I was always in black, and with the roman collar. You were expected to be so. You would not even imagined to be otherwise. You were put into a box and expected to stay there. And I was like everyone else.

25 years ago even God was different, at least to my imagination. He was more strict and harsh. More at a distant and majestic. He was a God that checks and calculates everything. He would miss nothing. You were supposed to love him, but at the same time scared of Him since He had the power to send you to hell for eternity. He asked a lot of me, and I was required to do what He asked. But…

25 years after, thank God, I made a long journey in life and, thanks to my insistence on personal reflection, I do not look at life in the same way. (Though for some 25 years changed nothing). I became more me and, even though I may not belong to one style of people, the “I” that I am now is much better than the one others wanted me to be back then. I am not scared anymore of being alone and different. I do not mind that people object to the style of life I adopted today. It does not bother me that others do not like that I came out of my box.

25 years after, God seems to be very different. He is the good guy that is always around, even though I sin, and that his grace does not depend on what I do and who I am, but solely on who He is. He became more open, more accepting, more inclusive, more loving without condition, rather nice, more a Mother than a Father. He’s the one I want to be with for the rest of eternity.

I encourage you to do the same journey of letting go who you think are and become the new person God wants you to be. I only hope that when you do this 25-year journey you will not find me here. I intend to grow more and to journey further ahead in the coming 25 years.